Issue 14:

From: driver@yourbag.org.sg
To:  iwan@letsgolfasia.com, my clueless owner

Hold it right there. I've had enough of this. How many more times must I wait in anticipation as I felt the buggy stop and hear you approach, only to feel you grasp my shaft hesitantly.. then move on and pull out my that skinny git, the 3 Wood ? And then when he smugly tells me all about how far and straight he drove the ball, all I can do is simmer and steam in silence.

Look. I know we've had some bad times, I remember clearly the day you tried me out at the Isetan golf sale, and how excited you were when you took me home, although I tried to ignore your wife saying "What ? Another driver ? I thought you sold your old one !". I tried not to worry, and it was with a feeling of pride when you gave me a nice new headcover with your alma mater's school colors and logo and slipped me in the bag. At that time I didn't quite understand why the other clubs, even the wedges, were sniggering at me. At the time, I put it down to envy. After all, I am a brand-new Maruman Metabio Driver, the product of the latest in Japanese golf technology, these other clubs do not hold a candle to me. At that time, I considered only your 3 Wood, a Maruman Shuttle,  practically my cousin, to be worthy of even my attention. Little did I know he would be my worst enemy.

I still remember the day you took me out. It was a nice day in Johor Bahru, not a cloud in the sky. You showed me off to your flightmates, my clubhead still shiny and unblemished. I was practically beaming with excitement. Then we teed off.. you swung me back. I then realized that something was very very wrong. I saw you lift your left heel too much drawing me back, I saw your shoulder rise as it turns, then you started to cast me around like a fly fishing pole on the downswing, all I could do was think "Nononono !!" as I saw the ball  on the tee approaching fast. Just to round things off, the poor Noodle ball was also teed too high, and as I felt it bounce off my crown as my face broke the wooden tee, I could hear it say "I'm going to the mooooooooooon" as it launched itself straight up, and come down 10 metres away. I swear I could hear it laugh all the way down.

The bright side is, my clubface is still pure and unblemished. My crown is not though, as there's a nasty ball mark there. The experience was unfortunately repeated throughout the day, and I swear, the only place of my entire surface that doesn't have a ballmark is the nice round sweet spot that my manufacturers have so thoughtfully etched on my face.

What's the matter with you, really ? I've got an MOI of 4,300g-cm2, 121% of the market average, I've got a Forged Titanium surface and a 0.4m titanium crown. My computer-designed shape is designed to lower my centre of gravity, making me easiest to hit. My rounded sole allows for a better follow-through. and my DB-10 shaft is one of the best in the class. All the marketing material I've seen promised a longer, straighter drive and a more consistent play. Completely foolproof. Well I think I've found the one fool that proved to be the exception to the rule.

Please, use me. I know I can make you happy. Don't you have any idea the damage this does to my morale and stature in your bag ? The driver is supposed to be the king of the bag, the one club to rule them all. It's hard for me to retain my composure when the bloody 7 iron, all nicked and bruised with overuse, regales me with all the tales of the world outside this head cover, and ends with "Ah, but you won't know what it's like out there would you ?". Even the putter is showing me no respect. The PUTTER ! And it can't even hit a ball 50 meters even if you give it a Michelle Wie wraparound swing !

Please have a heart.

Regards,

your long-suffering driver

To : Driver@golfbag.org.sg
From Iwan@letsgolfasia.com

Geez that's a surprise. I never knew my golf bag has wifi, much less drivers that can send email. But just to get to the point. It's not that I don't want to use you. I also remember the anticipation i felt when I took you home for the first time... and then the crushing disappointment of that day in Johor. I'm sorry. I know you deserve better.

But the thing is.. about your stats.. I must confess I have no idea what's an MOI and what's a forged titanium is. I have the same problem with the Big Bertha who was your predecessor. To hear the salesman rattle them off in the shop sounds wonderful and you sure feel good in the store's driving range.. but when I took you guys out for real.. you guys does scary things in my hand.

I'm sorry about the 3 wood. I know it doesn't go very far.. but I gives me a straight 170-180m most of the time. I know you can hit further than that. Just not in my hands. I promise to do better, can we let bygones be bygones.

Iwan

From: Driver@golfbag.org.sg
To: iwan@letsgolfasia.com

Hmmmm riiight... ok, tell you what, just take off my headcover once in a while during your round so I can enjoy the scenery and promise to take lessons, I'll go talk to the balls to be a bit more forgiving next time, and I'll do my best to make your shots more boring and straight instead of interestingly veering to the next fairway next time. Deal ?

Driver

From: iwan@letsgolfasia.com
to: Driver@golfbag.org.sg

Deal. interestingly, how are you able to type ? where are your hands ? how do you plug into the wifi ???

It was then that I woke up. I went to my golf bag and opened my driver's head cover. No wifi antennas anywhere. But just to be safe, I did hold it and say "Sorry driver, sorry, sorry". And I did take lessons the day after.. will it work ? just watch these pages :)